In praise of the staff canteen

I got in to work yesterday to find out that we have new caterers running the staff canteen. Most people would be concerned as to what the implications of this change will mean with regard to pricing or portion sizes, but not me. All I want to know is whether the new caterer’s menu is going to be as obscure as its predecessor.

The combinations they used to dream up were simply mystifying. It was the kind of canteen where they would have something like smoked salmon with haggis dumplings in a whisky sauce just because it was St Andrew's Day and they wanted something Scottish on the menu!

Actually I did once have haggis rissoles in a Drambuie sauce when I was in the Highlands, at the Badachro Inn. And they were lovely. Our friend Richard, who was with Beth and I at the time, has an irritational fear of haggis, in that he thinks it is simply the worst thing you can ever eat. He's never actually tasted it. It's the concept of offal that throws him, but seemingly he will shove any old sausage down his gullet, and who knows where they've been and what they consist of! One day I am going to make him a Shepherd's Pie with some haggis mixed in with the mince. I bet he won't even be able to tell.

Seemingly this culinary madness isn’t just restricted to my government department. My former boss who recently transferred to another department, sent me these two emails the other week:

“Just in case you thought it was only your canteen - Cumberland sausage ring and vegetable jambalaya. That is, they come served together as today’s ‘special’, they don’t just happen to be on the same menu.”

“In catering news, today is British Food Week. So today’s special is beef enchilada.”

What? Are we all not aware of the town of El Paso del Norte, just off the Huddersfield ring road. Best enchilada in the country apparently….

Another cause for concern was whether the same Eastern European serving attendants would be retained. Ordinarily I wouldn’t be bothered, but one of them is right tasty, which does a lot to brighten my Monday lunchtime.

Actually when I was at university, the serving wenches at my halls of residence were all drop dead gorgeous Danish au pairs. Still, it didn’t detract from the fact that the only dish the canteen ever seemed to serve was a dish of chicken legs sticking out of a range of multi-hued gravy like sauces.

Anyway, after perusing the new work canteen menu, I discovered that indeed, the mad food professor is still in residence. On tomorrow’s menu:

'Spiced chocolate & cinnamon nachos'

And I thought it was joss sticks I could smell in the canteen this morning ;)