You're barred

My local pubs have turned into creches. As Crystal Palace climbs the charts as a desirable location to live (check out the Lonely Planet Greatest Little Know Neighbourhoods....number 5 in the World!), so come the Jamies and Olivias with their brood of Arthurs and Tillys to put the mockers on an enjoyable weekend drinking session with bawdy conversation.

Now, so as not to alienate my friends with children, I want to go on the record to say that I have nothing against children, but I do take issue with their posh "we really wanted to live in Clapham, but yummy mummy and daddy got hit by the credit crunch" parents forcing them on me when I go down the pub for a sociable drink. There they sit shoving lamb shanks and Pinot Noir down their gullets whilst Hector and Tallulah run riot. And of course, to the parents, everything their kid does is seen as unbelievably cute in a progressively precocious way and if you don't share their opinion, well then you're just a barren old witch! I love this scene in Sex and the City (start from 8:20 minutes) when Samantha takes umbrage for a similar situation in a restaurant.

Let's be frank, a pub ain't a place for a kid. I never went in them as a child. Well, at least not until I was 15 and could pass for 18 ;) In fact, the only memory I have of going into a pub as a child was in a pub garden in the Summer for a BBQ or the occasional Berni Inn for a prawn cocktail and steak dinner (check out this previous post about 80s dinners). But it's like these parents don't want to let go of their pre-breeding days. They still want to go down the pub and get pissed.....en famille! Now if I had children, I would want to spend my weekend days with them, doing things that we could collectively enjoy. I would not wash my hands of them, letting them do a screaming relay round the pub, whilst wittering on to Jonty and Lucinda over a couple of pints of Hoegaarden and munching on halloumi salads with chorizo.

Is the gastro pub to blame or is it the smoking ban? Bring it back I say or at least force all the posh parents to go to the Harvester down Beulah Hill if they still want to spend all weekend in the pub and have their kids in tow. That will soon take the appeal out of the occasion!