A lil' bit of Southern style

I have been in a Southern state of mind recently. Maybe it's because I am reading Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, maybe it's because I am making Southern fried chicken tonight or maybe it's because I reminiscing about the road trip that I, Beth and our friends Richard, Sara and Craig took through some of the Southern states three years ago this week?

It was part holiday, part business trip as Beth had been commissioned to write two travel articles on Dollywood and Nashville for Gay Times and Diva magazines. Beth's got a thing for country music you see, primarily Dolly and a lil' bit of Shania thrown in for good measure. Speaking of Shania Twain, have you ever noticed that her and Cheryl Cole look really similar? Perhaps Shania's biological father took a trip to Newcastle and got saucy with a local lass? Seemingly we're not the only people who think this as this Facebook page suggests.

Anyhoo, Beth has got a country music 'thang' going on, which I share when it comes to Dolly and Patsy Cline. Actually, country music has a bona fide out gay woman now, the delectable Chely Wright. I've just read her autobiography, Like Me, which was really quite moving and she's a great spokesperson for the LGBT community. Plus, she's cute as a button.

So, I'm reminiscing about that trip, what we got up to, the food we ate and the multitude of beverages we drank. Here's a rundown:

• Arrive at Atlanta International Airport in a haze of Valium and gin. Consequently unfazed by the fact that it takes two hours to actually get out of the airport.
• Off to Mary Mac's Tea Room in Atlanta for a cliched meal of fried chicken, collard greens and creamed sweetcorn matched with copious amounts of Mint Juleps. Adds an interesting edge to my already Valiumed and gin addled brain.
• Sample the Atlanta gay scene, which has gone Halloween crazy and is good fun. Start on the Seven and Sevens.
• Pile in a monster SUV and climb high up into the Great Smoky Mountains to Moonshine Cabin and enjoy a hot tub at sunset whilst the eagles fly and the beer flows.
• Enter the hallowed gates of Dollywood, where it's not as camp as you would like and we experience some minor indirect homophobia (well the woman was from Arkansas). Plus it's 'dry'!!! Still, I got to see what I would look like superimposed with one of Dolly's wigs on. Maybe they should have a similar tool with Dolly's cleavage...not that I would need it.
• Go back to Moonshine Cabin and meet up with the owners and new friends, Ken and Jerry. Get them gradually drunk and show them how the Brits like to party.
• Hop back in the SUV to Nashville with a killer hangover. Hangover is sated with biscuits and beer at the Loveless Cafe, just outside Nashville
• Arrive in Nashville and head off straight to the gay scene, which is a blast, if a little thin on the ladies. Drink Whisky Sours.
• Make a mental note never to attempt to sing karaoke in a Nashville bar. I haven't got the range....or the talent.
• Enjoy huge slabs of meat and Alabama Slammers at Jimmy Kelly's.
• Country Music Hall of Fame, check, Ryman Auditorium, check, Grand Old Opry, check, RCA Studio B, check, Jack's Bar-B-Que, then Lower Broadway bars, music and beer...check.
• Get complimented on our trendy hair by Nashville tour guide, who surmises we must be European.
• Get gnashed and trashed on the Nash Trash Tour with the Jugg Sisters, in a sea of beer, 'horse doovers' (Southern hour'doves which consist of cheese from a tube on cheesy crackers), fake celebrity spotting and ribald jokes about what it would be like to be a lesbian and in the vicinity of Dolly's boobs. If you ever go to Nashville, you must take this tour!
• Have a panic attack at Nashville airport and so start on the Valium again. Consequently am the only one not freaked out by severe turbulence, plus Beth, Richard and I are the only ones drinking on the plane. What does it say about us?
• Arrive in New York where cab driver takes us to the wrong Hilton hotel. Result, stand up argument with said cab driver in Times Square.
• Sort out temper with pizza and beer at John's Pizzeria in the Village.
• Meet up with two friends from London and find the Cubbyhole bar in the West Village and remain in situ for the evening. You have to love a bar which plays both Dolly and the theme music from the Golden Girls on their jukebox. Richard manages to pick up a guy in what is predominately a girls bar.
• Sample monster sandwiches at Katz's Deli and walk the length and breadth of Manhattan.
• Retreat to the Cubbyhole again with a further two friends from London. I know there are more bars, but the jukebox is too good.
• End the evening sitting around a piano singing show tunes and drinking frozen margaritas at the Monster on Sheridan Sq. Those that know me, know I am in my element.
• Finish trip with cheesecake at Junior's in Brooklyn and more Valium and red wine in order to get on the plane home.